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08/1 2013

KISS Your Man’s “E-spot”

I was sitting with one of my best friends the other day (who happens to be male and also my husband), and we were discussing the topic of this blog post…

What is the best way for a woman to get a man to open up emotionally?

And without missing a beat, or even taking a breath, the two of us embark on a gender-defining exchange that only the very hard-core would describe as a communication. You see, in the battle of the sexes, we can’t even agree on what constitutes a man “opening up.” Right off the bat we’re speaking different languages.

The Hubster says that he is open with me, as he freely expresses his love and affection for me (this is true). I countered this (of course) by playing the “professional” card as a self-proclaimed Intimacy Expert, and I let him know that when a woman says that her man is open emotionally, what she is really describing is her man being vulnerable with her, not simply being loving to her.

After mulling over the difference in our interpretations for a couple days, I came to the conclusion the we both are correct. BOTH being loving and being vulnerable are the reward of a sufficiently stimulated male Emotional spot, or what I like to call the “E-spot.”

But how do we women best stimulate our man’s E-spot?

We KISS it! And by KISS it, I mean to use the acronym “Keep It Simple, Stupid” (and, no, I don’t think you’re stupid).

After decades of professional experience – as well as insight into my own personal relationships – in terms of what shuts a man down, I have come to see that what women often contribute to this equation (if this can be called a contribution) is believing her man to be much more complicated than he really is.

So… in the spirit of keeping a fairly broad topic simple, the first self-question that a woman should ask herself if she finds her man not as open as she would like, is “Am I making this emotionally complicated?”

Be brutally honest with yourself, and then see if you can bring it back to a good balance of emotion and comfort. Getting good at this process requires time, patience, practice… A skilled Intimacy Expert could be very helpful too!




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